>> Lesbian couple Antoinette (Vaivi) Swartz and Sape Maodi-Swartz have shown it is possible to stay true to oneself and still respect African tradition by paying lobola.
[spacer]
Antoinette et Sape se sont mariées le 19 décembre dernier, entourées de quelques 280 convives, en souscrivant à la tradition africaine de la lobola, la dot due, normalement, aux parents de la future épouse. Les deux jeunes femmes disent vouloir montrer qu’il est possible de conjuguer homosexualité et respect de la tradition.
« Beaucoup de familles continuent de rejeter leurs enfants en raison de leur homosexualité. Mais en suivant le même processus que n’importe quel autre couple hétérosexuel, nous souhaitions leur faire comprendre que peu importe que notre orientation sexuelle, il s’agissait d’abord d’amour », a confié Antoinette. « C’était également la seule façon pour que notre union soit légitimée par nos familles et la société… Les rituels traditionnels n’ont rien de particulièrement inclusifs pour les couples homosexuels mais nous nous sommes accommodées », poursuit Sape.
Le paiement de la lobola était donc un incontournable. Dans la tradition africaine, l’homme verse cette dot aux parents de la future mariée pour les remercier d’avoir élevé leur fille et de la lui donner pour épouse. C’est donc Antoinette qui a payé la lobola à la famille de Sape. L’union des deux jeunes femmes a ainsi pu être bénie par leurs deux familles et acceptée par leurs ancêtres alors que les couples homosexuels se contentent en général de signer un simple contrat de mariage.
Prochaine étape pour les deux femmes ? « Avoir un enfant et fonder notre famille », explique Sape, qui a choisi de se tourner vers une insémination artificielle et porter l’enfant. « Nous espérons que notre histoire en inspirera d’autres à suivre également la tradition, tout en restant honnêtes. Ce n’est pas incompatible. »
Il y a deux ans, deux hommes s’étaient déjà mariés dans la plus pure tradition zoulou, créant une polémique dans le pays. De la danse énergique et martiale, au sacrifice rituel d’un taureau pour obtenir la bénédiction des ancêtres selon les règles de l’ethnie Tswana, à laquelle appartient l’un des mariés, le couple avait réinventé une longue et fière tradition africaine, même si les traditionalistes ont refusé de voir en eux des héritiers du légendaire guerrier Shaka Zulu. Mais dès que leur histoire a fait la Une des journaux, une dizaine de femmes leur a offert de porter leurs enfants.
En 2006, l’Afrique du Sud est devenue le premier pays du continent à autoriser le mariage pour les couples de même sexe, mais l’homophobie est encore très présente dans la société sud-africaine. Dans les grandes métropoles comme Johannesburg, le Cap et Durban, la communauté LGBT est visible et affirmée. Mais c’est loin d’être le cas dans les zones déshéritées du reste du pays.
Joëlle Berthout
stophomophobie.org
[spacer]
>> Lesbian couple Antoinette (Vaivi) Swartz and Sape Maodi-Swartz have shown it is possible to stay true to oneself and still respect African tradition by paying lobola.
“The initiation point for us was saying we want to do this process. Speaking to our parents about it we found them open to the idea because I think they expected it from my side,” said Sape.
Sape said they decided her family should get the payment. They preferred not to disclose the amount.
“I spoke to the parents and informed them and then decided on the date for the lobola.”
In African culture, the man pays lobola to the wife’s family, to thank them for raising her and to allow him to take her from them.
Sape said they wanted to follow tradition and get married like any other couple.
“We did the entire process like a heterosexual couple would do. The main reason was that if we don’t do it that way, most people would not respect our marriage when it comes to African customs and tradition. It wouldn’t gain the same respect that a heterosexual marriage carries with it,” said Sape.
Gazing at one another and smiling, they said it was important to bridge the gap between tradition and homosexual relationships. Usually gay couples would simply sign the marriage contract and not pay the lobola, they said.
“We decided to take it [tradition] on. Although it’s not inclusive of homosexuals, we made it inclusive of us.”
The two admitted to encountering problems with paying lobola, but found ways to ensure their cultures were respected and their situation accommodated. They said communication was key to the success of the process.
“When we were not comfortable with something, we spoke about it and found ways to negotiate around the cultural requirements to ensure they accommodated lesbians,” said Sape.
Vaivi said the driving force behind their decision to follow culture was to ensure their families blessed and accepted their union. It ensured the ancestors of both families knew about and accepted the new members. Families performed rituals to announce new additions to the clan. This happened when people married or when a child was born.
The couple said it resulted in people from their communities embracing their relationship and way of life.
They held a traditional wedding attended by 280 guests on December 19. It served as an eye-opener for the parents of some of the guests who attended.
“Most of the families don’t accept their children being homosexuals. It was easy for the parents to see that we can still follow the proper steps and tradition. This was not only for us but for the rest of society to see that it can be done. They must understand that this is love and it doesn’t matter if it’s two females,” said Vaivi.
They intended to have a white wedding later and were saving up for it.
They wanted to have a child and build a family together. Sape said they would use artificial insemination, and she would carry the baby.
The pair hoped their story would inspire others to follow tradition while still remaining true to themselves and their sexual orientation.
